Playing At The Park

We have a really nice park in our neighborhood, but we rarely make it down there. A few nights ago I thought it would be a big time for Dominick to go play after dinner instead of doing what we normally do and staying at home to play. Ryan and I took him and he had so much fun. He has always really liked the swings, but the slides I'm pretty sure are his favorite.

Every trip prior Ryan or myself would always go down the slides with him, but this trip we thought he might be big enough to go down by himself and he is! He wanted to go again and again and again. It was time to leave and he didn't want to go. The next night we went again and I think he had an even bigger time! Ryan let him go down the swirly slide and he thought that was fun stuff!

We went in the evening and the sun was perfection for some of these photos. Sun flares are my FAVORITE in pictures so I was pretty much in love with all of these. And my guys made it even better. After looking at these pictures it makes me realize how big Dominick is getting and how he's starting to look less and less like a baby. I sure love him..

sorry for the picture overload I just love all of them so much!

This picture is real life...no edits! You can see the avocado on his face that I missed while wiping his face after dinner, the crusties around his nose (he has allergies), his hair is all sorts of crazy. I love it

Swirly Slide

He really was trying to pull him, but obviously Ryan was doing all the work. :)

this picture is Ryan's favorite. He says that to him Dominick looks SO happy in it. :)

Water Table Fun

For Dominick's BBF's birthday we got him a water table and turns out D LOVED it. So we purchased him one and while we don't use it all that often I try to pull it out once or twice a week. Last weekend Ryan was outside mowing the lawn and it wasn't too hot so I thought it would be the perfect afternoon to pull it out for Dominick. I put him in his little swim diaper and let him go to town. He had so much fun, but it ended up getting pretty cold outside so we had to go inside.

I'm so glad that we ended up buying him the table. He really loves it and I can see him playing in it for many summers to come! This one was my favorite because it seemed like there were lots of things to do...and it didn't involve any sand!

It's Okay

Some days I feel like I'm just barely keeping afloat and I only have one child...one almost 11 month old who is healthy, happy, wild, stubborn as all get out, sweet as pie and has a mighty opinion of his own for only being a little tyke. I love that boy more than any words in the dictionary...truly I do. BUT some days I just can't help but to count down the minutes until bedtime, have to put him in his crib screaming (for no reason at all aside from maybe the fact that he's just so incredibly tired) and close the door and walk away because I need 2 minutes to gather myself or to dance a little jig (and let's be honest I'm NOT a good dancer) to get him to giggle or sing pat-a-cake 100 times a day just to get him to stop whining and to smile and clap his little hands so proudly. Every day is not easy or good, but there are definitely good in EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. My friend posted a link to this article/blog post and I honestly love it so much. I have friends whose children are older (some are years and some are just a few stages ahead of Dominick) and they always tell me to enjoy EVERY moment because it all goes by so fast and sometimes I just want to tell them "NO, I don't enjoy every moment"...and that's okay!

I am in a season of my life right now where I feel bone tired almost all of the time. Ragged, how-am-I-going-to-make-it-to-the-end-of-the-day, eyes burning exhausted.

I have three boys ages 5 and under. I’m not complaining about that. Well, maybe I am a little bit. But I know that there are people who would give anything for a house full of laughter & chaos. I was that person for years and years; the pain of infertility is stabbing and throbbing and constant. I remember allowing hope to rise and then seeing it crash all around me, month after month, for seven years. I am working on another post about infertility that will come at a later date.

But right now, in my actual life, I have three boys ages five and under. There are many moments where they are utterly delightful, like last week when Isaac told my sister-in-law that “My daddy has hair all over.” Or when Elijah put a green washcloth over his chin and cheeks, and proudly declared, “Daddy! I have a beard just like you!” Or when Ben sneaks downstairs in the morning before the other boys do, smiles at me, and says, “Daddy and Ben time.”

But there are also many moments when I have no idea how I’m going to make it until their bedtime. The constant demands, the needs, and the fighting are fingernails across the chalkboard every single day.  

One of my children is for sure going to be the next Steve Jobs. I now have immense empathy for his parents. He has a precise vision of what he wants — exactly that way and no other way. Sometimes it’s the way his plate needs to be centered exactly to his chair, or how his socks go on, or exactly how the picture of the pink dolphin needs to look – with brave eyes, not sad eyes, daddy! He is a laser beam, and he is not satisfied until it’s exactly right.

I have to confess that sometimes the sound of his screaming drives me to hide in the pantry. And I will neither confirm nor deny that while in there, I compulsively eat chips and/or dark chocolate. 

There are people who say this to me:

“You should enjoy every moment now! They grow up so fast!”

I usually smile and give some sort of guffaw, but inside, I secretly want to hold those people under water. Just for a minute or so. Just until they panic a little.

If you have friends with small children — especially if your children are now teenagers or if they’re grown – please vow to me right now that you will never say this to them. Not because it’s not true, but because it really, really doesn’t help.

We know it’s true that they grow up too fast. But feeling like I have to enjoy every moment doesn’t feel like a gift, it feels like one more thing that is impossible to do, and right now, that list is way too long. Not every moment is enjoyable as a parent; it wasn’t for you, and it isn’t for me. You just have obviously forgotten. I can forgive you for that. But if you tell me to enjoy every moment one more time, I will need to break up with you.

If you are a parent of small children, you know that there are moments of spectacular delight, and you can’t believe you get to be around these little people. But let me be the one who says the following things out loud:

You are not a terrible parent if you can’t figure out a way for your children to eat as healthy as your friend’s children do. She’s obviously using a bizarre and probably illegal form of hypnotism.

You are not a terrible parent if you yell at your kids sometimes. You have little dictators living in your house. If someone else talked to you like that, they’d be put in prison.

You are not a terrible parent if you can’t figure out how to calmly give them appropriate consequences in real time for every single act of terrorism that they so creatively devise.

You are not a terrible parent if you’d rather be at work.

You are not a terrible parent if you just can’t wait for them to go to bed.

You are not a terrible parent if the sound of their voices sometimes makes you want to drink and never stop.

You’re not a terrible parent.

You’re an actual parent with limits. You cannot do it all. We all need to admit that one of the casualties specific to our information saturated culture is that we have sky-scraper standards for parenting, where we feel like we’re failing horribly if we feed our children chicken nuggets and we let them watch TV in the morning.

One of the reasons we are so exhausted is that we are oversaturated with information about the kind of parents we should be.

So maybe it’s time to stop reading the blogs that tell you how to raise the next President who knows how to read when she’s three and who cooks, not only eats, her vegetables. Maybe it’s time to embrace being the kind of parent who says sorry when you yell. Who models what it’s like to take time for yourself. Who asks God to help you to be a better version of the person that you actually are, not for more strength to be an ideal parent.

So the next time you see your friends with small children with that foggy and desperate look in their eyes, order them a pizza and send it to their house that night. Volunteer to take their kids for a few hours so they can be alone in their own house and have sex when they’re not so tired, for heaven’s sake. Put your hand on their shoulder, look them in the eyes, and tell them that they’re doing a good job. Just don’t freak out if they start weeping uncontrollably. Most of the time, we feel like we’re botching the whole deal and our kids will turn into horrible criminals who hate us and will never want to be around us when they’re older.

You’re bone tired. I’m not sure when it’s going to get better. Today might be a good day or it might be the day that you lost it in a way that surprised even yourself.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

You’re not alone. 

Military Monday

When Ryan first started thinking about joining the Air Force I was reading blogs, researching and talking to other military spouses like a MAD WOMAN! Ashley has a new link up that talks about various topics. The first one is work. As a mil-spouse or significant other how do you contribute, full time/part time, dual mil, student, etc. So hear is our story.

Ryan joined the AF in Nov. 2010 (almost 3 years ago...so crazy!) and we are currently stationed in California (since May 2011). When we left Michigan I was able to collect unemployment thanks to Unemployment Compensation For Military Spouses (check the link to see if your state qualifies) and it really helped during the down time of me trying to find a job.

When we got to CA and realized I would have an hour commute to and from work because base is in the middle of nowhere Ryan didn't particularly want me driving off base to find a job so I began the search on base. I got a job as a staff accountant at a credit union and it was only about 8 minutes from our house. I was lucky and was able to start working only 2 months after we moved. The hours were perfect and Ryan and I were even able to have lunch together every single day. To be honest, we probably could have car pooled, but we both hate feeling like we are stranded. While the job was fine the pay wasn't the greatest and on New Years Eve 2011 we found out we were expecting a baby. I stayed at my current position, but slowly began applying for other jobs...again all on base. I got a few interviews, but none were the hours that I wanted.

While I was on maternity leave I got a call about a position that was a contractor for NASA only working 3 days a week. The pay was more than what I was making full time at the credit union and it would allow me more time with the new baby. Unfortunately, the job was an hour away at the offsite location. I still took the job in hopes that I would be able to get a job on base eventually. In February not only did I get a job on base, but I also started working full time. I miss those two days with Dominick, but I love that we get more time together in the evening, the short commute and I really cherish the weekends. My friend runs an FCC so we are totally happy with his care and he loves the other kids and her so it's not all bad!

I will continue working here as long as we are in California. I'm considering going back to school for a different degree; one that would be easier to move often (which is in the hands of the AF) or the ability to work from home. And lastly, I've come to realize that no matter where we are or what Ryan is doing his career comes first and mine comes second and that's totally not a bad thing.

First Fourth Of July

Obviously this was Dominick's first 4th Of July. Most years this is my absolute favorite holiday, I mean is there anything that screams "summer" like the Fourth? I think not! Ever since being in California it hasn't been the top of my favorites. In Michigan my family has a tradition of being at the lake and all together and it's just not the same. We try to make the best of it every year, but we have not had one to top any of the years past.

This year we had big plans on attending the rodeo in town and watching the fireworks however we realized tickets were $20 a person and it just didn't seem worth ~$50+ with parking, the tickets, gas and everything else to go when we were heading to San Diego the following morning and we have started following a stricter budget.

Instead we hung around the house and then drove to town. Babies R Us was having a diapers sale (a huge tote of diapers for $25 - I think it was ~182 diapers) so we picked up a bunch of diapers and a few other things for Dominick and Ryan also went to the auto store to pick up oil so he could do an oil change on my car.

When we got back we grilled steak and had red potatoes, jalapeno and cheese bread, watermelon (because what's more American than watermelon?) and corn. After dinner we went to a friends house and hung out until we drove to the dirt bike track on base to watch the fireworks. Dominick rode around in this little car that was our friends' and he ended up going down a couple little hills. I was nervous, but it didn't phase him at all and he loved it.

Unfortunately, Dominick fell asleep before the fireworks started so he completely missed out. We were actually really happy we didn't go to the rodeo because he had such a good night being with friends.

I hope y'all had an equally great Fourth of July.