Anxiety

I think I've always been a little bit of a worrier, but nothing that was unusual. Mostly, I'm carefree, laid back and will go with the flow. That was until I became pregnant. In the beginning of my pregnancy I worried about a miscarriage, but I knew whatever happened was supposed to happen. So I was mostly at peace (aside from the fact that it was quite a surprise and that if you ask some of my friends I was in denial).

Anyways, when we were flying home to Michigan in May I was 6 months pregnant and as we sat down on the plane I didn't know if I could go. I remember sitting in the airport asking Ryan if he thought it was a good idea and if he thought we would be okay. He said, yes and just chalked it up to me being a little weird sometimes. As we sat in our seats I kept talking myself down. I kept saying that we'll be okay and to just breathe. My hands were sweaty and I was really uneasy, but I was able to talk myself down and somewhat relax after we got in the air. I prayed the entire take off. I normally sleep a lot on planes and I've never felt that way, but in my mind at the time I just kept thinking, "what if I never get to meet the little person living inside of me?" Once we landed we had a great vacation, but as we were headed back to California the same situation occurred.

After I had Dominick there were the new parent worries and that was basically all they were. For the most part (aside from hormones) we were okay and we were adjusting well. Recently, there are times that I get scared to walk outside my door or take Dominick for a walk because what if there is a coyote who wants to eat us? Ridiculous, right? (In my defense coyotes have been on our neighbors doorstep and they're always in the yards). Sometimes I get nervous when we're driving because we could get into an accident or someone could shoot us or anything. I can always talk myself down and I always have a good time when we are out, but it's getting out that I sometimes have trouble with.

I was talking to a few of my friends and they said they went through that same situation, but it eventually lessened with time. I hope that's the case for me. I always ask Ryan if he thinks I'm okay or if I need to see a doctor. Right now, he doesn't think it's necessary and honestly, I don't think it is either. At first he would joke with me, but now he really has started taking me more seriously. He tells me I worry about the silliest things and he will let me know when he thinks I need to take a deep breath and a minute to myself.

I know these feelings are hard, but I am at least able to acknowledge them. Some people may think it is taboo to talk about these things, but I just want to remind myself that it's okay. I know that God will take care of us, me...my family...the people I love. In the end what's meant to be will always be.